Why have I chosen to make my blog "anonymous"? What am I so afraid of? What are the real reasons that I do not want to disclose my identity for all the world to see? I know the reasons.. there are hundreds. Mainly, I am embarrassed of what I have become. I am humiliated by the fact that I have let things get out of hand and gained all of this weight. I am devastated when I look in the mirror. My feelings of self worth have diminished day by day. I am saddened that I have allowed my health to get in the way of the things I have wanted to do in life. I regret making poor decisions & not having the self control that I so desire. I am under the constant stress of wondering what others may or may not be thinking of me. I am a prisoner inside my own body.
This is no way to live life. This is not me living up to my full potential.
I have decided to make a promise to myself that I, from this point forward am going to live my life with dignity and respect. I am on the path to a happier, healthier life & I am going to be proud of myself. I will be happy with my accomplishments instead of thinking of what I could have done better. I will love myself the way that I am. I am not defined by my appearance, but rather who I am deep down inside- you hear that all of the time, but do you actually believe it?- I am going to.
As I wrote this blog post I was crying. At first I thought it was because of all of the pain and hurt that I have dealt with most of the years of my life. But now I'm beginning to realize that they may be tears of joy... I'm letting it all go & moving on.